Difficult Sister-In-Law

They say when you marry a guy, you marry his family too. How true.

Ed and his sister have always had a strained relationship. I've known them both since we were all in our teens and I'd always thought that he was very unkind to her. In fact, when I first started going out with him, I used to advise him to be more patient with her. But it didn't take me long to realise that the problem was with her, not him. Lazy (doesn't want to get a job, expects her mother to take care of her son); self-absorbed (thinks the world of her son and expects everyone else to think so too); self-righteous (goes around telling people how to live their lives); moody (happy 1 minute, upset the next for no particular reason); critical (very quick to point out the problem with everyone else, conveniently overlooking her very own faults); ungrateful (shouts at her parents and makes them do things for her, when they've already sacrificed a lot for her by moving into her place and paying for her and her son); inconsiderate (expects the whole family to wait patiently for her every morning while she takes her shower, puts on her make-up and gets dressed); attention seeking (constantly posts on Facebook about how smart or cute her son is, expecting others to comment and concur). These are just come of her characteristics.

But like Ed, I tolerated her. For 2 simple reasons: (i) she'd lost her husband to cancer 4 years back; and (ii)  for the sake of Ed's parents. Whenever she was rude or shouted at me, I bit my tongue and kept quiet. Whenever we had family gatherings, she decided the agenda and dominated the conversations. Whenever we had meals, she decided the menu (typically based on what her precious son wanted). It was clear that no one - except perhaps her and her precious son - really had a good time whenever she was around. My parents-in-law as well as my husband and I always have to be so careful about what we say or do for fear of upsetting her. I had never encountered a family where everything and everyone revolved around 1 person.

It's now been 7 years since I first started going out with Ed. Nothing has changed. If anything, she's gotten worse. So today, I've decided I've had enough. I've tried the tolerant approach and it doesn't work. My parents-in-law appear to have simply given up on her and decided to just give in to her on everything. Which in all honesty isn't really my problem except they seem to expect my husband and I to do likewise. And frankly, I can't. I just can't. It's been almost 5 years since her husband passed away, surely she cannot still use that as an excuse for treating us so shabbily??? Another things that annoys me is, she treats outsiders much better than her own family. You will never catch her raising her voice or throwing her tantrums with outsiders.

No, enough is enough. If my parents-in-law want to suffer silently by giving in to her, that's their choice. I can't  and won't stop them. But if they expect me to do likewise, I'm sorry but I simply can't. I was not born into this world to serve her or make her (and her precious son) happy. I most definitely will not sacrifice myself or work my butt off to support her (and her precious son's) leisurely lifestyle. Thankfully, Ed understands. I think he too has been holding it in for the longest time (mostly for the sake of his parents). This past week has been a wake-up call for the both of us. My parents-in-law, sister-in-law and her precious son came to stay with us and the one thing we've learned is, she's not changed one bit and things are never going to change if we don't start standing up for ourselves.

Ed had a heart-to-heart talk with his father about his sister and made it clear that we will not be supporting her and her son, not even when my parents-in-law are no longer around. As for me, I will no longer force myself to spend time with her and pretend to have a good time. Of course, I'm not going to go head-on with her, that's just not my style. I will simply avoid her and minimize the time I have to spend with her. So if there's a family event and she's going to be present, I will kindly excuse myself. If my husband is not around (like tonight, he had to go for a company function), I will make an appointment so that I do not have to spend time with his family. When it comes to meal time (especially if we're buying), we just decide and buy back (instead of asking her what she wants). And for the coming Chinese New Year break, I'm going to stay with my parents (instead of staying at her place as we've done for the past 3 years). I don't even care anymore if my parents-in-law see it. In fact, at this stage, I actually want them to know that I don't like her and I don't enjoy her company. They need to know that not everyone is going to give in to her the way they do.

I know that this is not the most diplomatic way to address the problem. But we've tried the nice way and it doesn't work, so it's time to switch tactics. I guess we have to be prepared for some repercussions, but as long as my husband is on my side, I'll be fine. Only time will tell how this plays out.

Kate Spade

Bought my first Kate Spade bag today. Well, technically it's my second Kate Spade bag considering my sister gifted me one many years ago, but this is the first one I purchased myself. Fits my notebook perfectly!  :)

New Plant

Bought a new plant for our bedroom. :)

First Day

Today's my first day at Cisco. So far, nothing much to report. Except the building's nice, toilets are nice and my new notebook's cool.  :)



Feeling Vegetarian

I don't know what's come over me but I've been really into vegetables lately. I insist on having vegetables at every meal, I snack on vegetables when I watch TV, I even dream of vegetables when I sleep! Which is not in itself altogether strange, except for the fact that I used to hate vegetables. Well, whatever it is, I hope it lasts.

New Haircut and Hairdresser

Decided to change my hairstyle in preparation for my new job next week. Tried out a new hairdresser's: JasonSally. Ended up cutting, perming and colouring my hair. Am very pleased with the outcome. Finally, after 6 (almost) years, I've found a hairdresser in Singapore that I'm happy with. :)

Before:

After:

Nice Neighbour

We came home one day to find a tennis ball in front of our front door. Turns out our neighbour from the 4th floor had taken the trouble to pick up one of the used tennis balls from the courts where he plays and bring it back for Patch  (cause the last time we ran into him in the lift, Patch had gone crazy at the basket of balls he was holding). How sweet.  :)

Moving On

Today's my last day at Frost & Sullivan. This is probably the shortest I've stayed at any one company --- 7 months. I'm starting to feel like a serial job hopper  ;p. But to be fair, I was not actively looking this time round. Sure I sent out a couple of applications at the start of the year, but that was about it and I'd done it more to test waters and find out my market value (rather than actually wanting to leave). And yes, there were things at Frost & Sullivan that I was not happy with but then they were not in themselves reason enough to leave. After all, which employee does not bear any grievance towards the company??? At the end of the day, it all boils down to 1 thing: the offer was simply a better offer i.e. better company, better pay, better long-term prospects. So nothing personal against Frost & Sullivan or my boss(es), I'm going for it.

:)

Coach

Bought my very first Coach handbag today. Feel so frivolous yet so happy.  :)

Second TV and PS3

Bought ourselves a second TV and PS3. Nothing wrong with the old ones, we just wanted to have an extra set in the master bedroom so that if I wanted to go to bed early and Ed wanted to play PS3, we can still be together  (idea is to later buy headphones so that the noise doesn't hinder me from sleeping). Interestingly, the two TVs look almost identical.

The New:

The Old:

Project from Hell

I had the opportunity (misfortune?) to work on the most poorly managed project in all my 12 years of working:

• Project was finalised on Friday and work commenced on the following Monday. I had absolutely no time to do proper research or homework prior to commencement!?! 
• Topic of the project was trade liberalisation. ... Honestly, my company had no business taking on this project as we neither had the skill nor expertise to handle this topic. 
• Scope of the project was unclear. We had no clue what the end-game or the expected deliverables were. Worse, we were under the impression that we had 6 weeks to work it out along the way, but learnt the hard way that the real work happened in the first 2 weeks. 
• Underestimated the scope of the project. We thought it was good money; MYR200k for 2 consultants over 6 weeks. Ended up allocating 2 senior consultants plus 4 consultants/analysts on the back-end to do research. To rub salt into the wound, we later learned that the client had paid other consulting firms close to MYR1m for a similar piece of work last year. Ha.
• Suspect someone (either the salesperson or my boss) had grossly misrepresented my company and made false promises in order to secure the project. The client was under the illusion that we had an extensive database of liberalisation best practices from around the world that they could use as benchmark data. Big fat lie. 
• Client is highly fickle and contradictory. Says one thing one day and the exact opposite the next. When under pressure, we were the scapegoats. Nice. 
• Team member is extremely lazy and annoying.

Interestingly, the one thing that bothered me the most was the last point.

Just glad to be off the project now.

Valentine's Day

Disappointing Valentine's day this year. No presents, no fancy dinner, nothing out of the ordinary. Went to work as usual and came home after work. Had claypot chicken rice for dinner. Watched the Grammy's on TV. Played "Fruit Ninja" on my phone. Went to bed. ... For what it's worth, Happy Valentine's Day everyone.  :)

Netbook

Finally had enough of the jurassic sized (and aged) notebook my company gave me and decided to get myself a netbook to make my travels easier. Besides, our home notebook was already 5 years old so it was time for a change. Ended up getting an Acer Aspire One Happy netbook. What I love most about the netbook is how light it is --- at only 1.25kg, I can easily slip it into my handbag and carry it around with me. Plus it comes with a built-in camera so I can easily video call to Ed and Patch when I'm away from home.  :)

2nd Property

Ed and I have been diligently saving towards getting a second property in Singapore. Property investment in Singapore is highly attractive as it offers lower risks (compared to other countries and investment options) due to the limited land coupled with the increasing population. In the short term, we see a second property as a supplementary source of income. In the longer term, we see it as a means to upgrade to a bigger property --- if need be, we will sell both properties in order to purchase a larger property.

Yesterday however the Singapore government once again introduced further measures to cool the overheating property market. Where previously we needed to pay 30 percent downpayment (up from 20 percent the preceding year), we now have to fork out 40 percent downpayment e.g. a property with a value of SGD1m will entail a downpayment of SGD400,000! PLUS owners who sell their property within the first 4 years (up from 3 years previously) will be subject to pay stamp duty (usually borne by the buyer).

We had hoped to purchase a second property at the end of this year but now, in light of the most recent measures, we will need to delay our plans. Naturally, we are both very disappointed and frustrated. It almost seems as though we were pursuing a moving goalpost. Still, I'm not giving up. I still believe that property investment is the way to go in the long run. We just need to continue saving and be patient.

Blood Test

We went to the doctor's today to do a blood test. The doctor took like 1 whole minute just to withdraw sufficient blood from me but only 5 seconds for Ed. Once it was over, I was immensely relieved. I then went to the ATM to withdraw money for the payment. When I got back to the clinic, the doctor had bad news: he had mixed up the tubes so, to be safe, he suggested we do a second withdrawal!?! At that moment, I felt like this was someone's joke on me --- I've always had a deeply rooted fear for blood withdrawals. But there was no other way around it, it had to be done. My only consolation was the doctor gave us a discount on the final bill; 10 percent for Ed and 20 percent for me because I was more terrified.  ;p

Singapore Citizenship

Today is a momentous day: Ed converted his citizenship. You know what that means? I am now the wife of a Singaporean.  ;)

iMac vs. 3D LED TV

Ed and I are in a dilemma: we can't decide whether to get the iMac or a 3D LED television first. Initially, the plan had been to get a smaller (and cheaper) LCD TV for our master bedroom and a Macbook to replace our current notebook (which is almost 5 years old). But then we saw the iMac and thought it would look great in the study area so that moved up the priority list. And then today, we went to Harvey Norman and realised that prices of 3D LED televisions have dropped! So for the same price (almost), we can either get the iMac OR a 3D LED television. Talk about having to make tough decisions.  ;p

Reed Diffusers

Been hunting high and low for a reed diffuser to make our home smell nice(r). Bought one from BHG that cost SGD39.90 and thought it was a pretty good price. Following day, found another one at King & King Wong that cost only SGD12! Ended up buying 2 bottles so now we have 3 bottles of reed diffusers at home. Place smells heavenly.  :)

Patch's New Collar

Bought Patch a new collar with sparkling stones and dangling bones. Ed thinks it's too girly. I think it's cute. Patch looks pretty pleased with his new collar.  :)